Human's Best Friend

Unfortunately, my dog died. His name was Joker and he was the sweetest dog EVER. He had serious skin cancer so we had to put him down; Aug 4th. Doing so has haunted my dreams. I'll miss those late nights watching comedy central cuddling on the couch., sneaking into the highschool's fenced baseball fields in the winter to run wild in the snow, spontaneous adventures on our long walks, play dates with Marty (my best friend's dog)... and just seeing his genuine excitment every time I walked through the front door. There's no better feeling than knowing how much someone appreciates and loves you (that unconditional love)... and he never spoke a word, or spilled any of my deep dark secrets. What a joy he was. I will miss him.

I HAVE NO TONSILS

How is it possible to get tonsilitis without even having tonsils?? I have the best luck in the world. BUT! Despite the way I feel... Here is some more recent art :)

MIXED MEDIA:





PAINTINGS:





SCULPTURE:

Let's Do Better

SO... Aparently there's supposed to be a rapture tomorrow? May 21st 2011. What does that mean for us humans?? Jesus our Lord and savior comes back to earth? Non-believers perish? Possible zombie apocalypse? It's seems that everyone is getting caught up in these theories that "the end" is near. But it shouldn't be so surprising to people in my opinion... We've: polluted the ozone, oceans and ground water; cut down all the trees; over harvested our natural goods; genetically modify everything in sight and all for what? Human satisfaction? It's only a matter of time before we're wiped from the face of the earth! We care about the trivial things in life: money, material goods, sex and competition. Clearly we are a whole species raised in correspondence to the 7 deadly sins:

GREED :the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual.
LUST :an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
SLOTH :the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
WRATH :manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.
PRIDE :excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God.
GLUTTONY :an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
ENVY :the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Now... how do we expect to excape our fate if we live by such traits that will surely lead us to our death? No one cares until it's too late. Our lives seem precious when chaos and the looming sense of the future hangs over our heads. We don't appreciate our lives the way we should. Obviously none of us are perfect but being able to admit it, is the first step to redeeming ourselves. So I guess I just want to say that... the end of the world won't be tomorrow, but we should start living like it will happen tomorrow.

It's the Final Count Down!

FINALLY, my second year of school is coming to a close. There have been some very dramatic ups and downs this year but all in all, it was a success. Painting, mixed media, sculpture classes, Geology, Philosophy... I've learned so much! I can't wait to continue on this journey towards furthering my education. Though I'm not planning on continuing on to a more expensive college I feel that I will be able to get a decent job while paying off my more minor investments! Ha. All I know is that I'm half way done and excited to be done as the next year or 2 come along. Going to be 20 in a few days! and hopeuflly that will mean more adventures and stories to come...

Photoshoot for Andrea and Her New Tattoo

My friend Andrea just got her first tattoo and wanted to show it off! So, we did a little photoshoot!

Check it out.

Recent Art

Been painting alot these past few months...

New Year Shmoo Year

It's funny to me that I haven't blogged inbetween the last blog and this one, because alot has changed...

I'm back at school. This is my 4th semester you could say. And I did great last semester (3.9) and this semester should be good because I'm taking alot of studio art classes (Sculpture, painting 2 and mixed media) and even math isn't too hard yet. But what's really been bothering me is that I've come to find out how much people don't care about me...? If that makes any sense... yea yea "wow what a pitty party" but really... I put forth 110% into all my friendships and get 10% back. I feel like I care about others more than they do for me and it gets so frustrating. I've never had a wall up because I know how unfortunate it is to have to work for trust and friendship that should come free. BUT my "new years resolution" is to start constructing a wall that is so tall that only those willing to climb it will get to see me for who I am. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve because I used to be able to stand up for myself, but I gotta toss it behind that giant wall I'm building so it doesn't get stepped on again. and again. and again. I have to stop letting my "BEST FRIENDS" manipulate me and treat me like a pile of poop.

So, I guess that means my generosity and compassion for people is completely shut out for now. I have to be selfish for once, stand up for myself and take care of my BS before I even think about helping anyone else.

This is how I feel right this moment. Maybe things will change later but for now, Sorry.

Completely Euphoric

BASICALLY...

I am completely enjoying my life right now. I'm starting to weed out all the negativity that's been hindering me from becoming the person I want to be and it feels great. Despite all the things that have happened in the past couple of weeks, I've been completely positive and almost euphoric about everything and everyone involved in my life. I have some of the best friends I could ever ask for and I'm really starting to figure out who I want in my life and what I want to start doing to keep things moving in the right direction!For once I'm pretty much drama free and that's because I'm making it so. I'm getting healthy and quitting some bad habbits. I feel like I'm getting out of this rut I've been in since highschool and I'm thankful. The dirty competition and fighting has been eliminated from my life. I'm hanging out with people who bring out the good in me and we encourage eachother and it's made being positive a whole lot easier! It feels so incredible to know that if you change the way you think, you will in turn change the way you live your life and you will change the lives of those around you. Things are just going so perfectly and I hope they continue this way.

It's Time to Clear My Soul

Last week my friend Bryan died. This is the worst I've felt since Ryan died in 2008. Just about every year now, since Ryan's death, someone close to me has taken their own life... 3 suicides and even 2 natural deaths have occurred and it really does put a huge weight on my heart. All these people I love are leaving me and I'm stuck at the crossroads. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive and keep a sane head on my shoulders but all these things have really been taking a toll on my emotions. So, I finally decided to step out of my comfort zone a little bit and take a trip to Duluth with my best friend and her family.
Duluth was FANTASTIC. Never have I felt so refreshed in my entire life. Most of the things that I needed to resolve within myself I was able to tack down. It's amazing how changing your surroundings puts you in a completely different mindset. Anyways, I met some amazingly positive people who have led me to this way of thinking>>>> "The way you think creates your reality" [duh laws of attraction]
So basically saying that if you think happy thoughts, your life will be happy too! Which is now my life's motto.
Thankfully, it was a successful trip and I think I got what I needed to get back on my feet and back in this CRAZY game called life :)

All I have to say is, NEVER EVER forget how much people love you. There might be days that you think you're completely alone in this world but you have NO idea how much of an impact you really make in people's lives.

LOVE AND BE LOVED.

Pride.

Last week I met some pretty incredible people. Little did I know that each and everyone of them would change my life a little bit over the next week. They have all taught me to be proud of who you are. These people have inspired me more than anyone I have ever met in my life. They bring such positivity to the people around them and I am blessed to have them in my life. This past weekend we celebrated the gay community in Minneapolis and PRIDE was an experience to remember. I love each and every one of my new friends. Thank you and I love you.

Insomnia.

Hello. My name is Jessica Zelenak, and I am an Insomniac.

To Do (No Exceptions)

I have been compiling a bucket list since before I could remember and I thought I would document it online so I would always have record of it. So without further adue:

- See the New York City skyline
- Write a book/ create a coffee table book
- Walk the Santa Monica pier
- Read abook cover to cover in 1 day
- Make it to Ireland
- Create a painting larger than 4' x 4'
- Ride a train
- Send a message in a bottle
- Ballroom dance with the love of my life
- See the sun rise
- Roadtrip cross-country
- Learn how to drive a stick shift convertible with the top down
- Tell someone the story of my life without sparing any details
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to be continued...

Ryan Jacobs, You Haunt My Very Existence

So I'm just sitting here by myself and started thinking about how life throws so many obstacles at us and how they continually alter the way we proceed to the future. I know that I have been through alot in my life, but I don't see (yet) how those tragedies have effected me.
All I can think about, sometimes, is how he could only figure out one solution for all his problems . Why do I think his suicide was a selfish way to deal? He might not be "suffering" anymore but everyone he left behind won't ever forget what happend and will always endure the pain of not completely understanding why he killed himself. He was my brother and my best friend, and I've coped with the initial pain of losing Ryan, but I will never, ever, get over the fact that I can't: call him, text him, email him, send a letter... because I know I will never recieve a response. I wish that praying could break that barrier but whenever I kneel with my palms pressed together, all I hear is silence. One of my friends says that if you really "believe" then you will hear God through your soul... And I believe... or maybe I just want to believe. I think about him every day.
I think this specific event is what fuels my fire for art. Or, at least the majority of my photography right now. Whenever I get behind a camera for some reason, the sadness I feel from losing Ryan, is captured in each frame. I find the sadness behind everthing. Call me a pessimist but I can't take happy photos unless I, litterally, PUSH him from my mind, and that's rare. That's all. Rest peacefully Ryan Jacobs. I hope you are relieved of all the stresses of this world because those of us you left behind are still pushing.